The Christmas Calendar

This week, I finished up the annual Christmas calendar. Ten+ years ago, we started making calendars for the grandparents every Christmas, using pictures from the previous year. It takes me a while to create them, so they often don’t get made until school is out. This year, it was especially easy to put off until the last minute – for both conscious and subconscious reasons. I knew sorting through the last year of photos would be difficult.

All the lasts.

All the firsts.

The last calendar he would ever be in.

There were a lot of things about Christmas that I was very intentional about - like the Christmas tree. It would require pulling all of the boxes out of the attic, rearranging the furniture in the living room and dining room. And the boxes of ornaments. I wasn’t emotionally ready to pull out nearly 30 years of memories represented by all of those ornaments.

Ornaments from our dating years.

Ornaments from our honeymoon.

Ornaments from every “big” trip we took.

Ornaments that simply made both of us smile.

I did not want to cry every time I looked at the Christmas tree.  So, easily enough, the kids and I found an inflatable tree we loved, and it has been perfect for us this year.

Then, there was the busyness of December, a month that was always overwhelming even with both of us here. Two kids’ birthdays on top of all of the other holiday activities. Being up late on Christmas Eve every year, wrapping all of the gifts at the last minute. So, I shopped early, wrapped early, and did all I could to reduce the stress of the month.

But the Christmas calendar.

I needed to do it.

I wanted to do it.

I filled the trashcan half full of tissues as I made it.

Last Christmas - the final pictures I have of the four of us together.

January – our last family outing, with the last picture taken of the two of us.

February – our final date night.

March – And suddenly, there are no more pictures of him to be taken. No more memories to be made.

April through December – The first of everything without him.

Knowing all that was going on behind the scenes of those photos.

The eyes that had lost their sparkle.

The smiles that were only half as wide.

The deliberate choice to make as many beautiful memories with my kids as I can in the short time I have left before they graduate.

Facing a new year to come, one in which he will have never been a part. A year that will never see his face or hear his voice.

However, far greater than all of these lasts and first, there is Someone who is “the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end” (Rev. 22:13).  “Who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty” (Rev. 1:8).

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment” (Rev. 21:6).

And that is how we make it through. We keep our focus on Him. We keep trusting His promises. We keep believing He is enough.

And while we head into this next year missing those who are no longer here with us, He will be here with us in all of our todays and all of our tomorrows. Emmanuel, God with us. And nothing can take that away.

Encouraging Faith

Yesterday, she brought me flowers.

Last year was especially difficult for everyone at my school.  We were hit hard from so many directions.  There was a pandemic.  There was a new Literacy Act.  But it was so much more.  It was illness and hospital stays.  Sick family and friends.  It was a breast cancer diagnosis.  It was a stroke.  It was being found just in time after a blood sugar spike.  It was a returning cancer that quickly took a well-loved co-worker and friend.  The type of friend that you could tell anything, and you knew that it would never be shared.  I lost count of the number of teachers who lost parents.  Then, there was the sudden, unexpected death of a spouse.

This week we returned to start a new school year.  We start with various uncertainties, but also with renewed hope.

A dear friend that was out for most of last year returned this week.  I sent her verses throughout her cancer diagnosis and treatments.  She wrote beautiful prayers for me and my family that still make me cry every time I read them.  I bought her a plaque to remind her to be strong and courageous (Joshua 1:9).  She called on my birthday, less than a month after Criss passed, and we were both in tears as she sang “Happy Birthday” to me over the phone.

This week, we were reunited in person for the first time in many months.  She brought me flowers to thank me for the phone full of Bible verses I texted to her.  We shared updates about our lives.  I told her about new undertakings and plans for the future.  She said I encouraged her with my words, both this week and at Criss' funeral.  Today, I left school with a lightness in my spirit after a long talk filled with Scripture and truth.

Earlier this week, I was reading Romans 1.  Paul wrote, “For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you - that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine” (v. 11-12).

Between the two of us, we have been through a great deal over the years.  I am thankful for friends like this, with whom I can come together and be mutually encouraged, infusing each other with faith.  We need to keep people like this in our lives – and we need to be this kind of person to others. 

Who are you mutually encouraging by your faith today?

Janel

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony.”  Revelation 12:11

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  Proverbs 27:17

The Best Laid Plans

 

Easter weekend marked four weeks since Criss’ passing.  He was 46 years old and had no idea when he went to bed Friday night that it was his last day here on earth.  The week before, the kids were away on a retreat with their high school.  Criss and I planned a little “staycation” while they were gone.  We both took a couple days off work.  We grilled steaks one night and went out to dinner another.  Instead of spending money staying somewhere, we bought a used, inflatable hot tub from a friend and a new fire pit.  The last night before the kids returned, we roasted hot dogs and made s’mores.  Criss had dreamed for years of getting a hot tub, and we used it at least every other day once we had it.  Criss, Autumn, and I spent time there together the night before he passed.

As we sat watching TV that Friday night, Criss was making plans for the weekend ahead.  (He was trying to convince me that we all needed to visit Buc-ees.)  He was planning hiking trips with friends.  We had tickets to attend a concert with friends in April.  We were working on a vacation to the Grand Canyon this summer, and we were trying to save to go to Israel with our church next year.  Our kids are only a few years away from finishing high school, and we were looking for ways to make the most of the little time we had left with them.

2020 was a crazy year.  It was easy to just try to survive until 2021 finally arrived.  However, there was a thought that kept coming to my mind – what if this is the best it gets, and we’ve wasted it waiting for something better to arrive?  I tried to be intentional about using the extra time we had as a family and soaking up every minute I could with them.  I am so thankful I did.  The past year is full of hard times mixed with beautiful memories. 

Our last picture together.  Taken at The Birmingham Zoo's Glow Wild.

We are not guaranteed tomorrow.  We hear that often, but do we really take it to heart?  I could have peace & hope in the midst of great sadness this Easter because I know that the moment Criss left this earth, he was in the presence of Jesus - and one day, I will see him again.

What weighs heaviest on my mind as I write tonight is all of you.  If you went to bed tonight, never again to step foot on this earth, do you know where you would spend eternity?  I know where I’ll be, and I know where some of you will be.  However, there are many of you that I have no idea.  The world wants to tell us that there are many ways to heaven, but that just isn’t true.  There is just one way – and that is by believing in Jesus.  He is THE way.  Being good doesn’t get you to heaven – neither do all of these other things that some of you are trusting in.

As you sit here today, making plans for your future, make sure you have made the most important plans of all – where you will spend eternity.  

I would love to talk with you about it.

Janel

My Tribute to Criss and God's Goodness

On Saturday morning, March 6, I lost my best friend and soul mate.  He died unexpectedly but peacefully in his sleep.  He loved us well and will be greatly missed.  I would like to share with all of you what I shared at his funeral this past Saturday...

I believe I was 14 years old the first time Criss and I met.  I was attending a Jr/Sr Banquet at Brooklane Baptist Academy with his best friend.  Criss attended Loveless Park Baptist Church (now Grace Life), but he would occasionally go to church with this friend, at the same church where I was a member.  Eventually, there was a group of us that would sometimes hang out together – going out to eat after church or playing pool at a neighbor’s house.  The fall after I turned 16, Criss worked up the nerve to ask my dad if he could take me on a date.  My dad told Criss he’d kill him if he ever hurt me, but somehow that didn’t scare him off.  We continued dating for nearly six years while I finished high school and college before getting married in the summer of 1999.  This summer, we would have celebrated our 22^nd Anniversary.

Criss and I were different on so many levels, but the thing that drew me to him was how much he loved me.

He was rock and roll, while I was soft rock and worship music.

I saw black and white where he saw gray.

I was a people pleaser, and he couldn’t care less what others thought.

However, these things didn’t separate us.  We grew together, and each of us became better people for having known the other.  We knew the darkest places in each others’ lives and chose to love each other anyway.

I believe the greatest compliment I can give him today is to say that he loved us well.  Phenomenon is one of my favorite movies.  In the movie, Lace is a single mom who makes and sells chairs to earn extra money.  However, no one really wants to buy them.  Unknown to her, George Malley slowly starts buying her chairs.  He has no need for that many chairs, but he just keeps buying them because he cares about her.  Later in the movie, another character described it this way, “Now George has a love at his side and she is sticking with him. You know why? Because he bought her chairs. That's pretty smart to me.”

And that was the thing about Criss – he always bought my “chairs.”

When I cheered or participated in events in high school and college, he was there with homemade shirts and banners, cheering me on.

If I was setting up a classroom, he was there carrying boxes and moving furniture.

If I was heading up a children’s musical, he was there painting the scenery.

If I came up with some impossible sounding dream, he was there cheering me on and telling me it could be done.                                                                                                 

And yet, at the same time, he was careful to protect me from myself – from my natural tendency to take on to much or overextend myself.

Now, none of this means that he was perfect.  But it was okay because I’m nowhere near perfect either.

We made a great team.  I would try to hold life together on the days he was tired and struggling, and he would try to hold it together on the days I couldn’t take another step.

Like I said, he loved us well.  When he passed, I had a phone full of messages telling me loved me in a million different ways.  I had flowers left from Valentine’s Day still on the piano.  I had little notes in the van from where he had covered the front console in encouraging reminders just a few days before.

Criss was a small group/ one-on-one kind of person, and he hated to be the center of attention in a large group.  But for those who had the privilege of having him as a friend, they knew how fun and humorous he could be.  They knew he was faithful to his promises and loyal to his friends and those he cared for.  I have loved hearing the stories this week from others who knew him on a personal level and had gotten to know what a great man he was.

Criss’ passing has left a huge hole in our lives.  We had so many dreams for the future.  Vacations to come, a 25^th Anniversary that was just a few years away, and a nest that was soon to be empty.  Y’all, we love our kids, but we were working on our bucket list of all of the things we wanted to do once they had moved out.

The night after he died, as I looked once again into this once-bright future, all I saw was a black, empty hole.  And the thought of it wanted to consume me.

You see, we are all happy to follow God’s plan for our lives as long as it lines up with ours.  But when what we want suddenly splits ways with what He has planned or allowed, we have a choice to make.  Are we going to hold on ever so tightly to what we want, or are we going to trust that God is in control of this situation, and that He is still good?

I think that one of the hardest things for me to reconcile in my Christian life has been when I know 100%, without a doubt that God has the power to intervene in a situation – and yet He chooses not to. 

I had to sit and watch my child live with chronic health issues and bouts of almost daily terrible pain that lasted for roughly 8 years.  You don’t think I wrestled with God about that?  I knew without a doubt God could take it all away in an instant – but He didn’t.  I had to decide then and there if I was going to really believe Him or not.  Could I really trust Him or not?

There’s a song out right now that begins by saying, “What if I believed, when You looked at me there was no judgment?”  That phrase has been playing over and over in my mind for weeks. 

What would my life look like if I really believed that God is always in control?

What would my life look like if I really believed that God is always faithful?

What would my life look like if I really believed that God is all-powerful?

What would my life look like if I really believed that God is wiser than I am?

What would my life look like if I really believed that God is truly good despite how bad things look around me?

You fill in the blank, what would your life look like if you really believed that God is _____?

We have to decide.  The world is watching, and I’m afraid that far too often, they are seeing us rely on our own selves, our own plan, our own wisdom, and our own desires far more than we rely on God.

I have to surround myself with truth, and I have to choose to believe what’s true, even when it doesn’t make any sense at all to my human mind – especially when it doesn’t make any sense.

We all want to talk about God’s goodness and His faithfulness when He works things out the way that we want Him to.  What about when He doesn’t?

Nearly 8 years ago, Criss got a splinter that turned into a life-threatening infection.  The doctors couldn’t get it under control, and they told me on numerous occasions that they didn’t know if he was going to make it or not.  Although Criss lost a finger in the process, God gave him back to us.  Was God any less good last Saturday when (despite our prayers) Criss went on to be with the Lord?  Absolutely not!  God was just as good and just as faithful in both circumstances – when Criss’ life was spared and when it was taken.

Joanna Harris, a friend from college, wrote a devotional several years ago, and there was an idea she said in passing that really stuck with me.  She made a statement about someone missing the opportunity to glorify God in their suffering.

We all want to praise him on the mountain.  Isn’t He just as good in the valley?  Why are we so hesitant to glorify Him there too?

And this does not mean that we have to denying our feelings.  David was a man after God’s own heart, and look at the gamut of emotions he expressed to God in the Psalms.

It does mean that we are taking every one of those feelings and openly and honestly laying them at the feet of Jesus.  David didn’t tie everything he was feeling into a nice little package.  No, he gave God all of his raw, messy emotions and thoughts.

The key is to keep looking at and pressing into Jesus.  When I lay in bed at night and thoughts of that black hole-looking future start to overwhelm my thoughts, I will write “Jesus” over the darkness. 

Although much has changed, and Criss will not be here with me to complete all of the plans we had, the one thing that never changes is Jesus.  He can never be taken away from me. 

Romans 8:32 tells us, “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”  God, through Jesus, has already met the greatest need I will ever have.  If this is true, can’t I trust Him with everything else?

Over the years, people have tried to tell me how strong I am despite all I have endured.  I’m here today to tell you that I am not strong.  I am a weak, anxious, broken mess - but my Jesus is strong in me.

Today you may see me here, reminding myself of these truths, and tomorrow you may find me hiding in a closet with a 6 pack of Mountain Dews and a bag full of chocolate – just trying to remember to breathe.  And you know what? That will be okay.  I’ll be in good company with David, Elijah, and many others we consider to be great heroes of the faith.  David could remind himself to hope in God in one verse and then fall into despair in the next.  Elijah called fire down from heaven one day.  Then, just a few verses later we find him hiding under a bush, telling God he’d had enough.  God was ever so gracious with them, and He will be just as gracious to me and you.

My life verse is Isaiah 58:11, “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like  spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”  And that is what He has been faithful to do over and over again in my life.

Psalm 27:13 says, “I remain confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”  So, I keep watching for signs of His goodness all around me each day.

This week, I’ve seen his goodness in the dog I never wanted to have (that would certainly never be allowed in the house J) that now makes me feel safe enough to sleep at night without Criss.

I’ve seen His goodness in my kids, in their love towards me, and their willingness to help.

I’ve seen His goodness in Autumn’s encouraging words telling me, “Mom, you’ve got this.”

I’ve seen His goodness in Silas saying, “Mom, you want me to take the trash down?”  Because he remembered it was garbage pickup day, and that was the furthest thing from my mind.

I’ve seen His goodness in the years of beautiful memories I have with Criss.

I’ve seen His goodness in the stories you’ve shared with me of what Criss has meant to you.

I’ve seen His goodness in the outpouring of love we’ve received from all of you.

Sometimes I see His goodness in rainbows and fireflies.  This week, he sent me a patch of little, purple flowers (which is my favorite color).

And on the days I struggle to find it, I keep reminding myself that it’s still there.

I will “look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”  (2 Corinthians 4:18)

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Here is a video from the service.  I start speaking around 24 minutes.

An Analogy for Teaching in 2020

My husband and I celebrated 21 years of marriage in June.  We’ve attended a lot of marriage conferences and retreats along the way.  I remember at one of those conferences, the speaker talked about the power analogies.  Sometimes, it is difficult to understand someone else’s perspective, and a good analogy can go a long way.  (Though even the best analogies break down at some point.)  So, here is my attempt to provide you with an analogy of what it’s like to teach in a public school in 2020…

Signs made by our amazing PTO for Teacher Appreciation Week.

Let’s compare teaching in 2020 to being a cashier at Publix.  (I mean, who doesn’t like Publix?)  You’ve wanted to work here your whole life, and you love helping people.  You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  Once you took the job (before the pandemic ever hit), you realized that you were expected to do a lot more than just work the register.  In addition to being a cashier, it was also your responsibility to bag the groceries, help the customers load items they had purchased into their cars, return shopping carts to the store, restock the shelves, and run the customer service desk.  Sometimes you are also asked to help out in the bakery, pharmacy, or meat department.  You are assigned all of these duties, and yet you are asked to never leave your register during your scheduled work hours.  If you ever do need to step away for a moment, the cashier beside you has to cover for you and run his/her register plus yours simultaneously.

Sometimes the store doesn’t have items that your customers need.  Because you love and care about them so much, you use your own money to purchase those items from other stores to give to the patrons on their next visit.  Granted, you can’t do all this during your scheduled hours, so you stay late almost every day (without extra pay) to finish up everything that needs to be done.  It’s a lot, but after a while you find a way to manage.  You use your lunch and other “breaks” to return shopping carts and stock shelves with one hand while eating with the other hand.  Your children get used to hanging out at the store after hours while you finish.  Sometimes they even help you wrangle up all of the carts and restock the shelves.  Somehow, you make it all work.

Then, Covid hits.

As we enter the fall of 2020, not only do you still have all of the responsibilities listed above – you are also responsible for monitoring the doors and screening every incoming customer; sanitizing all of the shopping carts; and sanitizing the conveyor belt and keypad between every customer.  You will be given a mask, but any other protective barriers (like plexiglass) will be up to you to purchase and install.  And last (but certainly not least) you are now responsible for all Shipt orders.  (Did you catch that last sentence?)  In addition to working the cash register all day, you will also be fulfilling and delivering all online orders.  Can you sneak a few orders in during the day?  Maybe.  But don’t forget you’re never supposed to leave your register - and you were already in charge of bagging groceries, loading items into customers’ cars, returning shopping carts (that you now have to sanitize), restocking shelves, and running the customer service desk – which now needs non-stop attention.  Plus, there are people at home who can’t come into the store but have no access to the Shipt program.  You are responsible for making sure they get their groceries as well.  And did I mention yet that every few days they decide to rearrange the grocery store aisles?

And that just describes the general education teachers.

If you are a special education teacher, the items you need for your customers may not even be available at Publix, and you don’t have a team of cashiers (grade level teachers) to help you search for and deliver these extra items.  So, not only are you doing all the things listed above – you are also running to other stores all night long trying to fulfill missing items on orders.  Then, there are multiple forms that must be filled out on a daily basis to prove that you’ve done all that you were asked to do.  You will fill out hundreds and hundreds of pages of forms in a year.  You may even break 1,000.  Sometimes the documentation takes just as long (or longer) than the actual task.

And this doesn’t even touch on the problems with childcare.  Due to Covid, your children may not be allowed in the building.  Remember how they used to hang out after hours while you finished working?  Where do they go now?  Do you just leave when your scheduled hours are complete so you can care for them – knowing you left so many things undone?  If your store (school) moves to a 50/50 plan, where do teachers’ children go on the days they are not in school (and their parent still is)?  If it moves to all virtual, what happens to your kids if you are required to be on campus but they can’t?  Non-educators are not the only ones facing childcare issues.  Believe me, we understand!

Yet in the midst of all it all, this is what you want to do.  It is what you dreamed of doing your entire life.  You love and care for each of your customers.  There is nowhere else you would rather be.  It breaks your heart to want to do something so badly, and yet not have the resources you need to do it effectively.

Earlier this week, I asked someone to be praying for me, our schools and our teachers, and I alluded to how overwhelming all of this is.  They responded (with what felt like a very condescending tone), “So are you just going to have to work a little overtime?”  It’s then that I realized that they really didn’t get it – so I’m assuming that some of you don’t really get it either.  I was already working overtime!  The problem is that I’m only one person, and there’s only so much that I can physically do in a day.  I eventually need to go home to my family, and I have to sleep.  (Cue the caffeine!)

As a Christian, I think often of Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”  Everything I do is for Him, and He reminded me the other day that we have already made it through much worse together, and we will make it through this too.  He knows I will do my best.  And the things I can’t get done?  I have no idea.  I just trust that He knows my heart and that I will give it all I have.  There will be shopping carts that don’t get returned or disinfected, orders that are missed, shelves that don’t get stocked - and there will be angry customers (and supervisors).  Through it all, I will remind myself to keep my eyes on Him - for He Himself is my peace (Ephesians 2:14).  Some days I will do it well, and some days I won’t.  I will offer you grace, and I hope you will do the same for me.

When you run into a teacher this week/month/year, please extend a little love and grace. Don’t minimize what we are facing, and really listen to our thoughts and concerns. 

And stocking us up with a little caffeine and chocolate won’t hurt either!  J

Janel

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P.S.  I have to say that I have debated about whether or not to share this.  Sometimes I write things just for myself, to help me think and process life – and I never end up sharing them.  I don’t want anyone to see this as a rant, or think that I don’t enjoy teaching.  If I didn’t love teaching, I (very literally) would have quit and gotten a job at Publix a long time ago.  The reason I finally decided to share is because we really have to start listening to and understanding each other.  So much of life seems to be filled with us talking AT each other instead of TO each other.  I’m sharing a bit of my life as a teacher in the hopes that you will also share bits of your life with me – so that I can also understand you, your life, and your concerns on a deeper level.  I also hope to give a voice to other teachers out there who, like me, feel very unheard and unseen right now.  There are so many issues in education, and they can’t be addressed by a single post.  However, unless we all start having some real conversations, will anything ever change?

I'm Listening

I have watched, read, cried, and prayed.  My heart is heavy, and writing always helps me to process my thoughts.

To all of my black friends, I want you to know I’m listening.

I am a white, middle class woman, born in the 70’s.  I learned about the civil rights movement and knew about racism.  I was taught to treat all people with kindness.  When I heard people on the news talk about modern day racism, I really did not know what they were referring to.  I live in Alabama.  I had been to the museums.  I had heard the stories.  Those things were not happening today – as far as I could see.

Outside of Scripture, truth is an elusive thing these days.  Statistics are meaningless.  Five people can take the same set of numbers and interpret them 15 different ways.  The news is always slanted in one direction or another.  Stories and experiences of strangers can be twisted and used to manipulate emotions.  What helped me to “see” was the stories of black friends that I know personally.  A few years ago at church, we had a group of ladies that met for several weeks to discuss race and diversity.  We had the freedom to ask our black sisters in Christ questions that we had never felt the freedom to ask before, and those ladies were free to share experiences that they had learned from a young age should be kept only to themselves.  Hearing their stories helped me to realize what racism looks like today – and see that it does indeed still exist.

This is why I feel so compelled to write today.  I was living in a bubble of ignorance that needed to be challenged.  As a white, Christian female, I must implore those in my circle of influence to ask themselves – “Am I still living in that bubble?”  I am here to ask you to listen along with me.

James 1:19 tell us, “Dear brothers, don’t ever forget that it is best to listen much, speak little, and not become angry” (TLB).  For my white friends, this is a time for us to talk less and listen more.  To my black friends, I sincerely want to know more about your experiences.  I will never fully understand, but I want to try.  While I have not experienced your exact pain, I know what it’s like to feel unseen and unheard, and that part of me can connect with that part of you.

For several months, I have seen 2 Chronicles 7:13-15 over and over.  “If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust swarms to eat up all of your crops, or if I send an epidemic among you, then if my people will humble themselves and pray, and search for me, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear them from heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land.  I will listen, wide awake, to every prayer made in this place” (TLB).

What disturbs me greatly is how much we like to quote these verses – but how little we’re actually applying them.  Yes, it’s ironic how much these verses line up with what’s happening today.  So why are we just quoting them over and over – and not humbling ourselves, praying, searching, and turning?

We talk a lot about praying, but are we actually praying?

Jesus told us that that greatest commandments were to love God and love others (Matt. 22:36-40).  Could what is going on now be what the end of those verses is referring to?  Is it possible that our lack of love for others is what we need to be repenting of?  Is this is the area in which we need to humble ourselves and pray and turn?

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  John 13:35

It’s time we start listening to each other - about racism and so many other issues.  My limited perspective may not always be accurate.  I have to be humble and willing to change.  This is not the time to disengage from society.  This is the time to press in, listen more, and act.

I believe people’s greatest desire is to be fully known and still be fully loved in spite of it.  How can we really love people that we haven’t taken the time to know?  We can’t be afraid to listen to various points of view.  Be willing to grow and change.  Be willing to own our part.  And in the words of Frozen 2 (because I'm a mom and I work with children for a living), “Just do the next right thing.”  Because if we’re humbling ourselves, and we’re praying, and we’re seeking Him – then He will guide us to that next right thing.

What does this look like?  For me, I am weeping with those who are weeping.  I’m praying that God will help me to love more and judge less.  That He will help me to be humble enough to admit where I need to change.  I am praying for and checking on my black friends.  I am broadening my perspective by reading more from black authors and black perspectives – even those I may disagree with.  And I am teaching my children not only to see the value in others and to be kind to everyone – but I am also teaching them what racism looks like today (and not just historically).  I am praying for the wisdom to know when and how to speak up for those whose voices have been silenced.

And I am listening.

Janel

“After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands.”  Revelation 7:9

Who Broke the White Out? (Part 1)

So many are hurting today, and for so many different reasons.  The quote by John Piper has been on my mind this morning.

Occasionally, weep deeply

Over the life you hoped would be.

Grieve the losses.
Then, wash your face.
Trust God.
And embrace the life you have.

Sometimes life just stinks.  Nearly everyone is facing some type of loss or fear right now.  And you know what?  It’s okay to grieve.  We are real people with real feelings and real emotions.  God made us that way!  Any time we are overwhelmed by sadness, grief, or any other emotion, we don’t have to deny it, stuff it down, or rationalize it away.  It doesn’t matter if others think our grief is greater or less than theirs.  It is our grief, and we have to take some time to acknowledge it.  It is only by acknowledging the pain in our own lives and allowing God to walk us through it that we can then be used by God to minister to others who are walking through loss. 

I Corinthians 1:3-4 tell us, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  I began to understand this verse after our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage years ago.  I learned a great deal during that time, but probably one of the greatest things I learned was how to sit with other people in their pain.  It gave me a greater understanding of loss, and how we should and should not respond to others during their time of loss.

My advice in this area would be this…  Don’t minimalize other people’s pain.  Don’t give them trite sayings.  Don’t tell them how they could have it worse.  Don’t put them on a guilt trip because you think your pain is greater than theirs.  Just let them grieve.  Their grief is real, and they need to be allowed to process it.

Now I still mess up all the time and say the wrong thing to people, but here’s the thing I try to say:  “How are you feeling about _____ today?” or “How are you doing with all of this today?”  Don’t project your feelings onto them or assume that they should have made it to a certain point in their grieving process.  It doesn’t matter than you’ve gone through _____.  Even if it seems to you to be the exact same loss, there are likely many aspects that are very different.

So, take some time today to feel all that you need to feel.  (And you’ll likely cycle through this several times, as you face reminders of things you’ve lost.) 

And the title?  I’ll get to that in Part 2.  J  But for now, some of you need to sit alone with your feelings for a little while.  And all that teaching from home we’re doing now?  It might just be that the greatest thing you could teach your kids while they are at home with you these next few months is how to process grief and emotions.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”  (Psalm 56:8)

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”  (Psalm 62:8)

Janel

I See You

To the vulnerable, at risk,

And those we label as elderly.

To those who are still going to work each day

And those who have been sent home.

I see you.

To those trying to work from home

With kids screaming and fighting in the background.

And to the single parents trying to find childcare

So you can still make it to your place of employment.

I see you.

To the special needs families

And those hoping they will have access to needed medical interventions.

To the parent of a non-verbal child

Who was just beginning to make progress at school.

I see you.

To the children who have lost their source of 

Love, food, and safety.

And to the ones who are spending quality time with their families

For the first time ever.

I see you.

To those in nursing homes no longer allowed visitors – 

If they were fortunate enough to have them in the first place.

To the emotionally vulnerable,

Who have lost access to their counselors.

I see you.

To the Seniors missing their last moments with friends

And to those having to alter wedding plans.

To those who are expecting

And those in the process of adoption.

I see you.

To the leaders we look to for guidance

And to the pastors praying for wisdom.

To the teachers making sudden plans

And the parents trying to follow them.

I see you.

To the one who is alone with his own thoughts

For the first time in years.

And to the one who was hanging by a thread

Before it all began.

I see you.

To those who have been seasoned by years of pain

And  those for whom it is foreign.

To all of these

And everyone in between.

I see you.

But more important than that

God sees you (Gen. 16:13).

He Himself is our peace (Eph. 2:14),

And He can be trusted (Prov. 3:5-6).

“As we look not to the things that are seen 

but to the things that are unseen. 

For the things that are seen are transient, 

but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:18)

Janel

Christian Schools: Javan Rhino or Bald Eagle?

Take a quick glance at the endangered species list, and you’ll see several types of rhinos, the Javan Rhino being one of them.  Do you know what you will not see on the list that is also endangered?  Christian schools.

Photo:  juiceonline.com

This past month, yet another Christian school in our area closed its doors.  That is at least the third prominent, established religious school to close its doors in recent years, with others on the brink of folding.  The reasons are many – location, the difficulties of sharing a church campus, uncollected tuition, problems balancing affordable tuition with teacher salaries.

And yet there is one reason not being discussed – Christian schools have set themselves up for failure by maintaining too narrow of a focus.  Search for a Christian school and what will you find?  Phrases like “college prep,” “entrance testing,” and “100% of our graduates are attending college.”  All of these things sound great, but as you take a deeper look, here’s what they are implying – “We are only designed to educate advanced students who are headed to college.”  Christian school leaders can deliver eloquent speeches heralding the values of Christian education.  However, when you ask what they are doing to serve students with special learning needs, they quickly do an about-face.  “Oh, we’re not set up for that.”  Have a child with medical needs?  “Um, we weren’t talking about you.”  Social/emotional needs?  “We don’t do that either.”  Either Christian education is an important option or it’s not.  We cannot say that it is relevant only for the top 5-10% of students – and not everyone else.  Either it’s a valuable option for everyone – or it was never really that valuable at all.

What’s so wrong with being ordinary?  When Jesus walked the earth, the people he spent the most time with were fishermen and tax collectors.  Jesus Himself was a carpenter.  It was actually the religious elite who had the most difficult time following Him. 

I Corinthians 1:26-31 tells us, “For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.’”

God often uses the people the world labels as weak or ordinary to accomplish His purposes – the very ones being excluded from our Christian schools.

My intention here is not to debate the pros and cons of private school, public school, and homeschooling.  I have taught in both private and public schools.  My kids have attended both private and public schools.  If homeschooling ever fit out needs, I would be open to that as well.  Each family has its own unique circumstances, and only parents can decide what is best for their families at any particular point in time.  However, my objective is to show that Christian education is not even a viable option for many families – even when they would like for it to be.  And if Christian schools are to survive, they must widen their focus.

This is coming from someone who has spent roughly half of her life in Christian education – 13 years as a student, 6 as a teacher, and a few more as a parent (in addition to my years in Christian colleges and universities).  The problem first became apparent in my first years as a teacher in a Christian school.  Then, it became personal when I had children of my own.  I have been a voice for the need for Christian schools to expand their services for over 15 years now.  When I embarked on this journey, Christian schools were still thriving and had little to no incentive to listen.  However, the tide has now changed.

The objections vary but the reluctance is often focused around cost.  Private schools do not have government money to back these extra services.  “We can’t afford it,” is the most common rebuttal.  However, I propose that at this point, Christian schools can’t afford not to.  While Christian schools that provide special education and other service are a rare find in this area, it is being done in other parts of the country.  How?  Generally, all of the students from a family will attend the same school/system.  If you cannot meet the needs of everyone in the family, then no one from the family will attend.  But the reverse is also true.  Meet the needs of the one child with special learning needs, and the rest of the family will come as well, resulting in overall fuller classes.

A recovery plan can be put in place for animals on the endangered species list.  So, here is my “recovery plan” for Christian schools.  First, before anything can be done, a mind shift has to take place.  Everyone involved in the school (administration, faculty, and staff) must buy in to this new way of thinking.  This is the least expensive (and yet possibly the most difficult) step.  Some good resources include the CLC Network and Key Ministry.  Second, have general education pathways options for graduates, and do not only provide classes that are at the advanced level.  Third, hire resource teachers.  By far, the greatest number of students being served by special education teachers in the public school are those with learning disabilities, ADHD, high-functioning autism, and others who need only limited supports to be successful.  They spend the majority of their day in the general education classroom.  Most are pulled out 30 minutes to an hour each day to receive extra support in reading and/or math.  Having a resource teacher opens the door for a large number of students (and their families) who are not currently being reached by our Christian schools.  Fourth, have a nurse on staff.  This person can likely double as office staff or in another capacity.  There are some students who do not need academic support but require someone with medical training to be on hand.  Fifth, there is not enough time here to discuss the impending mental health crisis that must be addressed in both public and private education.  We must begin discussing how to better help our students in this area as well.  If Christian schools would take the lead in this area, they would be ahead of the game in addressing a need that few are.  There are other steps to be taken, but if we would start here, we would be taking huge steps to revive our dying Christian schools.

So now we are left with a choice.  Do Christian schools stay on the endangered list with the Javan Rhinos – or do we do the work to become like the bald eagles who were once on the verge of extinction but made a comeback and are now thriving once again?

Janel

Photo:  www.audubon.org