Who Broke the White Out? (Part 1)

So many are hurting today, and for so many different reasons.  The quote by John Piper has been on my mind this morning.

Occasionally, weep deeply

Over the life you hoped would be.

Grieve the losses.
Then, wash your face.
Trust God.
And embrace the life you have.

Sometimes life just stinks.  Nearly everyone is facing some type of loss or fear right now.  And you know what?  It’s okay to grieve.  We are real people with real feelings and real emotions.  God made us that way!  Any time we are overwhelmed by sadness, grief, or any other emotion, we don’t have to deny it, stuff it down, or rationalize it away.  It doesn’t matter if others think our grief is greater or less than theirs.  It is our grief, and we have to take some time to acknowledge it.  It is only by acknowledging the pain in our own lives and allowing God to walk us through it that we can then be used by God to minister to others who are walking through loss. 

I Corinthians 1:3-4 tell us, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  I began to understand this verse after our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage years ago.  I learned a great deal during that time, but probably one of the greatest things I learned was how to sit with other people in their pain.  It gave me a greater understanding of loss, and how we should and should not respond to others during their time of loss.

My advice in this area would be this…  Don’t minimalize other people’s pain.  Don’t give them trite sayings.  Don’t tell them how they could have it worse.  Don’t put them on a guilt trip because you think your pain is greater than theirs.  Just let them grieve.  Their grief is real, and they need to be allowed to process it.

Now I still mess up all the time and say the wrong thing to people, but here’s the thing I try to say:  “How are you feeling about _____ today?” or “How are you doing with all of this today?”  Don’t project your feelings onto them or assume that they should have made it to a certain point in their grieving process.  It doesn’t matter than you’ve gone through _____.  Even if it seems to you to be the exact same loss, there are likely many aspects that are very different.

So, take some time today to feel all that you need to feel.  (And you’ll likely cycle through this several times, as you face reminders of things you’ve lost.) 

And the title?  I’ll get to that in Part 2.  J  But for now, some of you need to sit alone with your feelings for a little while.  And all that teaching from home we’re doing now?  It might just be that the greatest thing you could teach your kids while they are at home with you these next few months is how to process grief and emotions.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”  (Psalm 56:8)

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”  (Psalm 62:8)

Janel