An Analogy for Teaching in 2020

My husband and I celebrated 21 years of marriage in June.  We’ve attended a lot of marriage conferences and retreats along the way.  I remember at one of those conferences, the speaker talked about the power analogies.  Sometimes, it is difficult to understand someone else’s perspective, and a good analogy can go a long way.  (Though even the best analogies break down at some point.)  So, here is my attempt to provide you with an analogy of what it’s like to teach in a public school in 2020…

Signs made by our amazing PTO for Teacher Appreciation Week.

Let’s compare teaching in 2020 to being a cashier at Publix.  (I mean, who doesn’t like Publix?)  You’ve wanted to work here your whole life, and you love helping people.  You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  Once you took the job (before the pandemic ever hit), you realized that you were expected to do a lot more than just work the register.  In addition to being a cashier, it was also your responsibility to bag the groceries, help the customers load items they had purchased into their cars, return shopping carts to the store, restock the shelves, and run the customer service desk.  Sometimes you are also asked to help out in the bakery, pharmacy, or meat department.  You are assigned all of these duties, and yet you are asked to never leave your register during your scheduled work hours.  If you ever do need to step away for a moment, the cashier beside you has to cover for you and run his/her register plus yours simultaneously.

Sometimes the store doesn’t have items that your customers need.  Because you love and care about them so much, you use your own money to purchase those items from other stores to give to the patrons on their next visit.  Granted, you can’t do all this during your scheduled hours, so you stay late almost every day (without extra pay) to finish up everything that needs to be done.  It’s a lot, but after a while you find a way to manage.  You use your lunch and other “breaks” to return shopping carts and stock shelves with one hand while eating with the other hand.  Your children get used to hanging out at the store after hours while you finish.  Sometimes they even help you wrangle up all of the carts and restock the shelves.  Somehow, you make it all work.

Then, Covid hits.

As we enter the fall of 2020, not only do you still have all of the responsibilities listed above – you are also responsible for monitoring the doors and screening every incoming customer; sanitizing all of the shopping carts; and sanitizing the conveyor belt and keypad between every customer.  You will be given a mask, but any other protective barriers (like plexiglass) will be up to you to purchase and install.  And last (but certainly not least) you are now responsible for all Shipt orders.  (Did you catch that last sentence?)  In addition to working the cash register all day, you will also be fulfilling and delivering all online orders.  Can you sneak a few orders in during the day?  Maybe.  But don’t forget you’re never supposed to leave your register - and you were already in charge of bagging groceries, loading items into customers’ cars, returning shopping carts (that you now have to sanitize), restocking shelves, and running the customer service desk – which now needs non-stop attention.  Plus, there are people at home who can’t come into the store but have no access to the Shipt program.  You are responsible for making sure they get their groceries as well.  And did I mention yet that every few days they decide to rearrange the grocery store aisles?

And that just describes the general education teachers.

If you are a special education teacher, the items you need for your customers may not even be available at Publix, and you don’t have a team of cashiers (grade level teachers) to help you search for and deliver these extra items.  So, not only are you doing all the things listed above – you are also running to other stores all night long trying to fulfill missing items on orders.  Then, there are multiple forms that must be filled out on a daily basis to prove that you’ve done all that you were asked to do.  You will fill out hundreds and hundreds of pages of forms in a year.  You may even break 1,000.  Sometimes the documentation takes just as long (or longer) than the actual task.

And this doesn’t even touch on the problems with childcare.  Due to Covid, your children may not be allowed in the building.  Remember how they used to hang out after hours while you finished working?  Where do they go now?  Do you just leave when your scheduled hours are complete so you can care for them – knowing you left so many things undone?  If your store (school) moves to a 50/50 plan, where do teachers’ children go on the days they are not in school (and their parent still is)?  If it moves to all virtual, what happens to your kids if you are required to be on campus but they can’t?  Non-educators are not the only ones facing childcare issues.  Believe me, we understand!

Yet in the midst of all it all, this is what you want to do.  It is what you dreamed of doing your entire life.  You love and care for each of your customers.  There is nowhere else you would rather be.  It breaks your heart to want to do something so badly, and yet not have the resources you need to do it effectively.

Earlier this week, I asked someone to be praying for me, our schools and our teachers, and I alluded to how overwhelming all of this is.  They responded (with what felt like a very condescending tone), “So are you just going to have to work a little overtime?”  It’s then that I realized that they really didn’t get it – so I’m assuming that some of you don’t really get it either.  I was already working overtime!  The problem is that I’m only one person, and there’s only so much that I can physically do in a day.  I eventually need to go home to my family, and I have to sleep.  (Cue the caffeine!)

As a Christian, I think often of Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”  Everything I do is for Him, and He reminded me the other day that we have already made it through much worse together, and we will make it through this too.  He knows I will do my best.  And the things I can’t get done?  I have no idea.  I just trust that He knows my heart and that I will give it all I have.  There will be shopping carts that don’t get returned or disinfected, orders that are missed, shelves that don’t get stocked - and there will be angry customers (and supervisors).  Through it all, I will remind myself to keep my eyes on Him - for He Himself is my peace (Ephesians 2:14).  Some days I will do it well, and some days I won’t.  I will offer you grace, and I hope you will do the same for me.

When you run into a teacher this week/month/year, please extend a little love and grace. Don’t minimize what we are facing, and really listen to our thoughts and concerns. 

And stocking us up with a little caffeine and chocolate won’t hurt either!  J

Janel

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P.S.  I have to say that I have debated about whether or not to share this.  Sometimes I write things just for myself, to help me think and process life – and I never end up sharing them.  I don’t want anyone to see this as a rant, or think that I don’t enjoy teaching.  If I didn’t love teaching, I (very literally) would have quit and gotten a job at Publix a long time ago.  The reason I finally decided to share is because we really have to start listening to and understanding each other.  So much of life seems to be filled with us talking AT each other instead of TO each other.  I’m sharing a bit of my life as a teacher in the hopes that you will also share bits of your life with me – so that I can also understand you, your life, and your concerns on a deeper level.  I also hope to give a voice to other teachers out there who, like me, feel very unheard and unseen right now.  There are so many issues in education, and they can’t be addressed by a single post.  However, unless we all start having some real conversations, will anything ever change?

I'm Listening

I have watched, read, cried, and prayed.  My heart is heavy, and writing always helps me to process my thoughts.

To all of my black friends, I want you to know I’m listening.

I am a white, middle class woman, born in the 70’s.  I learned about the civil rights movement and knew about racism.  I was taught to treat all people with kindness.  When I heard people on the news talk about modern day racism, I really did not know what they were referring to.  I live in Alabama.  I had been to the museums.  I had heard the stories.  Those things were not happening today – as far as I could see.

Outside of Scripture, truth is an elusive thing these days.  Statistics are meaningless.  Five people can take the same set of numbers and interpret them 15 different ways.  The news is always slanted in one direction or another.  Stories and experiences of strangers can be twisted and used to manipulate emotions.  What helped me to “see” was the stories of black friends that I know personally.  A few years ago at church, we had a group of ladies that met for several weeks to discuss race and diversity.  We had the freedom to ask our black sisters in Christ questions that we had never felt the freedom to ask before, and those ladies were free to share experiences that they had learned from a young age should be kept only to themselves.  Hearing their stories helped me to realize what racism looks like today – and see that it does indeed still exist.

This is why I feel so compelled to write today.  I was living in a bubble of ignorance that needed to be challenged.  As a white, Christian female, I must implore those in my circle of influence to ask themselves – “Am I still living in that bubble?”  I am here to ask you to listen along with me.

James 1:19 tell us, “Dear brothers, don’t ever forget that it is best to listen much, speak little, and not become angry” (TLB).  For my white friends, this is a time for us to talk less and listen more.  To my black friends, I sincerely want to know more about your experiences.  I will never fully understand, but I want to try.  While I have not experienced your exact pain, I know what it’s like to feel unseen and unheard, and that part of me can connect with that part of you.

For several months, I have seen 2 Chronicles 7:13-15 over and over.  “If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust swarms to eat up all of your crops, or if I send an epidemic among you, then if my people will humble themselves and pray, and search for me, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear them from heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land.  I will listen, wide awake, to every prayer made in this place” (TLB).

What disturbs me greatly is how much we like to quote these verses – but how little we’re actually applying them.  Yes, it’s ironic how much these verses line up with what’s happening today.  So why are we just quoting them over and over – and not humbling ourselves, praying, searching, and turning?

We talk a lot about praying, but are we actually praying?

Jesus told us that that greatest commandments were to love God and love others (Matt. 22:36-40).  Could what is going on now be what the end of those verses is referring to?  Is it possible that our lack of love for others is what we need to be repenting of?  Is this is the area in which we need to humble ourselves and pray and turn?

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  John 13:35

It’s time we start listening to each other - about racism and so many other issues.  My limited perspective may not always be accurate.  I have to be humble and willing to change.  This is not the time to disengage from society.  This is the time to press in, listen more, and act.

I believe people’s greatest desire is to be fully known and still be fully loved in spite of it.  How can we really love people that we haven’t taken the time to know?  We can’t be afraid to listen to various points of view.  Be willing to grow and change.  Be willing to own our part.  And in the words of Frozen 2 (because I'm a mom and I work with children for a living), “Just do the next right thing.”  Because if we’re humbling ourselves, and we’re praying, and we’re seeking Him – then He will guide us to that next right thing.

What does this look like?  For me, I am weeping with those who are weeping.  I’m praying that God will help me to love more and judge less.  That He will help me to be humble enough to admit where I need to change.  I am praying for and checking on my black friends.  I am broadening my perspective by reading more from black authors and black perspectives – even those I may disagree with.  And I am teaching my children not only to see the value in others and to be kind to everyone – but I am also teaching them what racism looks like today (and not just historically).  I am praying for the wisdom to know when and how to speak up for those whose voices have been silenced.

And I am listening.

Janel

“After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands.”  Revelation 7:9

Who Broke the White Out? (Part 1)

So many are hurting today, and for so many different reasons.  The quote by John Piper has been on my mind this morning.

Occasionally, weep deeply

Over the life you hoped would be.

Grieve the losses.
Then, wash your face.
Trust God.
And embrace the life you have.

Sometimes life just stinks.  Nearly everyone is facing some type of loss or fear right now.  And you know what?  It’s okay to grieve.  We are real people with real feelings and real emotions.  God made us that way!  Any time we are overwhelmed by sadness, grief, or any other emotion, we don’t have to deny it, stuff it down, or rationalize it away.  It doesn’t matter if others think our grief is greater or less than theirs.  It is our grief, and we have to take some time to acknowledge it.  It is only by acknowledging the pain in our own lives and allowing God to walk us through it that we can then be used by God to minister to others who are walking through loss. 

I Corinthians 1:3-4 tell us, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  I began to understand this verse after our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage years ago.  I learned a great deal during that time, but probably one of the greatest things I learned was how to sit with other people in their pain.  It gave me a greater understanding of loss, and how we should and should not respond to others during their time of loss.

My advice in this area would be this…  Don’t minimalize other people’s pain.  Don’t give them trite sayings.  Don’t tell them how they could have it worse.  Don’t put them on a guilt trip because you think your pain is greater than theirs.  Just let them grieve.  Their grief is real, and they need to be allowed to process it.

Now I still mess up all the time and say the wrong thing to people, but here’s the thing I try to say:  “How are you feeling about _____ today?” or “How are you doing with all of this today?”  Don’t project your feelings onto them or assume that they should have made it to a certain point in their grieving process.  It doesn’t matter than you’ve gone through _____.  Even if it seems to you to be the exact same loss, there are likely many aspects that are very different.

So, take some time today to feel all that you need to feel.  (And you’ll likely cycle through this several times, as you face reminders of things you’ve lost.) 

And the title?  I’ll get to that in Part 2.  J  But for now, some of you need to sit alone with your feelings for a little while.  And all that teaching from home we’re doing now?  It might just be that the greatest thing you could teach your kids while they are at home with you these next few months is how to process grief and emotions.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”  (Psalm 56:8)

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”  (Psalm 62:8)

Janel

I See You

To the vulnerable, at risk,

And those we label as elderly.

To those who are still going to work each day

And those who have been sent home.

I see you.

To those trying to work from home

With kids screaming and fighting in the background.

And to the single parents trying to find childcare

So you can still make it to your place of employment.

I see you.

To the special needs families

And those hoping they will have access to needed medical interventions.

To the parent of a non-verbal child

Who was just beginning to make progress at school.

I see you.

To the children who have lost their source of 

Love, food, and safety.

And to the ones who are spending quality time with their families

For the first time ever.

I see you.

To those in nursing homes no longer allowed visitors – 

If they were fortunate enough to have them in the first place.

To the emotionally vulnerable,

Who have lost access to their counselors.

I see you.

To the Seniors missing their last moments with friends

And to those having to alter wedding plans.

To those who are expecting

And those in the process of adoption.

I see you.

To the leaders we look to for guidance

And to the pastors praying for wisdom.

To the teachers making sudden plans

And the parents trying to follow them.

I see you.

To the one who is alone with his own thoughts

For the first time in years.

And to the one who was hanging by a thread

Before it all began.

I see you.

To those who have been seasoned by years of pain

And  those for whom it is foreign.

To all of these

And everyone in between.

I see you.

But more important than that

God sees you (Gen. 16:13).

He Himself is our peace (Eph. 2:14),

And He can be trusted (Prov. 3:5-6).

“As we look not to the things that are seen 

but to the things that are unseen. 

For the things that are seen are transient, 

but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:18)

Janel

Christian Schools: Javan Rhino or Bald Eagle?

Take a quick glance at the endangered species list, and you’ll see several types of rhinos, the Javan Rhino being one of them.  Do you know what you will not see on the list that is also endangered?  Christian schools.

Photo:  juiceonline.com

This past month, yet another Christian school in our area closed its doors.  That is at least the third prominent, established religious school to close its doors in recent years, with others on the brink of folding.  The reasons are many – location, the difficulties of sharing a church campus, uncollected tuition, problems balancing affordable tuition with teacher salaries.

And yet there is one reason not being discussed – Christian schools have set themselves up for failure by maintaining too narrow of a focus.  Search for a Christian school and what will you find?  Phrases like “college prep,” “entrance testing,” and “100% of our graduates are attending college.”  All of these things sound great, but as you take a deeper look, here’s what they are implying – “We are only designed to educate advanced students who are headed to college.”  Christian school leaders can deliver eloquent speeches heralding the values of Christian education.  However, when you ask what they are doing to serve students with special learning needs, they quickly do an about-face.  “Oh, we’re not set up for that.”  Have a child with medical needs?  “Um, we weren’t talking about you.”  Social/emotional needs?  “We don’t do that either.”  Either Christian education is an important option or it’s not.  We cannot say that it is relevant only for the top 5-10% of students – and not everyone else.  Either it’s a valuable option for everyone – or it was never really that valuable at all.

What’s so wrong with being ordinary?  When Jesus walked the earth, the people he spent the most time with were fishermen and tax collectors.  Jesus Himself was a carpenter.  It was actually the religious elite who had the most difficult time following Him. 

I Corinthians 1:26-31 tells us, “For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.’”

God often uses the people the world labels as weak or ordinary to accomplish His purposes – the very ones being excluded from our Christian schools.

My intention here is not to debate the pros and cons of private school, public school, and homeschooling.  I have taught in both private and public schools.  My kids have attended both private and public schools.  If homeschooling ever fit out needs, I would be open to that as well.  Each family has its own unique circumstances, and only parents can decide what is best for their families at any particular point in time.  However, my objective is to show that Christian education is not even a viable option for many families – even when they would like for it to be.  And if Christian schools are to survive, they must widen their focus.

This is coming from someone who has spent roughly half of her life in Christian education – 13 years as a student, 6 as a teacher, and a few more as a parent (in addition to my years in Christian colleges and universities).  The problem first became apparent in my first years as a teacher in a Christian school.  Then, it became personal when I had children of my own.  I have been a voice for the need for Christian schools to expand their services for over 15 years now.  When I embarked on this journey, Christian schools were still thriving and had little to no incentive to listen.  However, the tide has now changed.

The objections vary but the reluctance is often focused around cost.  Private schools do not have government money to back these extra services.  “We can’t afford it,” is the most common rebuttal.  However, I propose that at this point, Christian schools can’t afford not to.  While Christian schools that provide special education and other service are a rare find in this area, it is being done in other parts of the country.  How?  Generally, all of the students from a family will attend the same school/system.  If you cannot meet the needs of everyone in the family, then no one from the family will attend.  But the reverse is also true.  Meet the needs of the one child with special learning needs, and the rest of the family will come as well, resulting in overall fuller classes.

A recovery plan can be put in place for animals on the endangered species list.  So, here is my “recovery plan” for Christian schools.  First, before anything can be done, a mind shift has to take place.  Everyone involved in the school (administration, faculty, and staff) must buy in to this new way of thinking.  This is the least expensive (and yet possibly the most difficult) step.  Some good resources include the CLC Network and Key Ministry.  Second, have general education pathways options for graduates, and do not only provide classes that are at the advanced level.  Third, hire resource teachers.  By far, the greatest number of students being served by special education teachers in the public school are those with learning disabilities, ADHD, high-functioning autism, and others who need only limited supports to be successful.  They spend the majority of their day in the general education classroom.  Most are pulled out 30 minutes to an hour each day to receive extra support in reading and/or math.  Having a resource teacher opens the door for a large number of students (and their families) who are not currently being reached by our Christian schools.  Fourth, have a nurse on staff.  This person can likely double as office staff or in another capacity.  There are some students who do not need academic support but require someone with medical training to be on hand.  Fifth, there is not enough time here to discuss the impending mental health crisis that must be addressed in both public and private education.  We must begin discussing how to better help our students in this area as well.  If Christian schools would take the lead in this area, they would be ahead of the game in addressing a need that few are.  There are other steps to be taken, but if we would start here, we would be taking huge steps to revive our dying Christian schools.

So now we are left with a choice.  Do Christian schools stay on the endangered list with the Javan Rhinos – or do we do the work to become like the bald eagles who were once on the verge of extinction but made a comeback and are now thriving once again?

Janel

Photo:  www.audubon.org

For the Mom with a New Diagnosis

I’ve been talking to a friend who recently received a diagnosis for her child, and it got me thinking – what advice do I have for someone just starting this journey?  Of course, there is enormous variety in the arena of special needs parenting.  What applies to one won’t apply to all.  However, as I began to think through the things that I would want to know if I were back at the beginning, I thought it would be worth putting down in writing.  And for those whose families have not been touched by special needs or long-term medical issues, stick around.  You might learn something as well. 

1.  It’s okay to grieve.

Your child is still here, but at the same time, you are still experiencing a great loss – the death of a dream, a reality that is not quite as expected.  No one wants to hear that their child may experience difficulty, be different, or suffer.  Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you have.

2.  Not everyone will understand, and people will likely say all the wrong things.

I could make a book of all the crazy, unhelpful (and sometimes hurtful) things people have said to me over the years.  “I bet he’d eat ice cream.” – Uh, no.  It’s not that he won’t eat.  It’s that nearly everything makes him terribly sick.  “I have a picky eater too.”  Yes, I also have a picky eater – but it’s not the one with the feeding tube.  There is a HUGE difference between refusing food due to pickiness and not being able to digest it properly.  Try sitting at yet another birthday or school party with a toddler who wants so badly to eat everything there but can’t.

One that continues to make me uneasy is when new parents state, “He or She’s healthy, and that’s all that matters.”  I know what they mean, but there’s something about it that makes me cringe.  Are they saying that since I have a child that’s not 100% healthy, he’s missing the only thing that matters in life?  That his life is of less value?  Yes, we all pray for healthy children, but there is life to be lived after a diagnosis.  Thankfully, my son has learned to live well despite his health issues.  

So what do we say to others when we’re not sure what to say?  Many times, it’s best to simply let someone know that you love them and are praying for them.  (Then actually remember to pray for them!)  Another thing that usually works for me is to ask the person, “So, how are you feeling about all of this right now?”  Then, stop talking and just listen!  We often like to project our own feelings onto others, who may feel something completely different than we expected.  This will let you know exactly where they are and what they need in that moment.  

3.  Everyone will have an opinion about what you should do next.

There are a million and one “remedies” for everything these days.  We have tried many things throughout the years.  Some have helped, and many more haven’t.  Just because someone suggests something doesn’t mean it’s the right thing for you.  I often pray James 1:5 over my family, asking God for wisdom to know the right thing to do at specific points in our journey.

At the same time, don’t be afraid to try reasonable ideas that you think might be a good fit for your family.  Some alternative therapies have provided our greatest successes over the years.

4.  Find balance in the chaos.

It’s easy to spend hours researching, attending every type of therapy, going to every doctor.  However, you have to remember they are still kids.  Decide what interventions are reasonable (and affordable) for your family during each season of life.  Do what needs to be done, but make sure you leave time to play, connect, and enjoy each other.

We’ve had seasons of intense therapies and numerous doctor appointments.  We’ve also had seasons where we needed a break.  Again, pray for wisdom, and move forward with a plan that’s right for you – without feeling guilty.

5.  Eventually, you have to find your new normal.

Yes, take time to grieve (#1).  At the same time, you eventually have to find a way to navigate this “new normal.”  Your kids need your example of how to live joyfully in this less-than-perfect world.  I think John Piper says it well…

This is not a one-time event either.  At first, there may be a long periods of grieving.  Eventually, you may just need a moment to feel the weight of your emotions alone in the shower each morning before boldly facing the day.  Before you know it, you may have gone several weeks or months.  The point is that, with God’s strength that has been made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), you keep on getting back up and moving forward.

6.  Professionals don’t know everything.

As with every profession, there are some good doctors, etc. out there, but there are many bad ones too.  Most will see your child for no more than 5 minutes at a time and think they know everything there is to know.  (If you could see my face, you would know that I’m rolling my eyes now.)  Don’t be afraid to disagree with the “professionals.”  They are NOT always right.  At the same time, be open minded to new ideas and insights from their experience that might be helpful.

7.  Support may (will) fade.

We live in a day where many are suffering.  The sheer amount of pain and loss is overwhelming.  While, people may be able to stick with those with shorter-term difficulties, eventually support fades for those with long term diagnoses and health issues.  If you have someone that sticks around for the long haul, you are blessed.  See #9.

8.  Sometimes you will feel like an alien from another planet.

There are days when you will feel like you just don’t fit in anywhere any more.  You’ll be somewhere with a group of friends and realize you cannot relate to anything they are talking about.  During certain seasons, there is no time (or money – since you’re spending everything you have on doctors and therapies) to look at the latest gadgets, read the latest news, or follow the hottest trends.  Or they may all be talking about milestones their kids are meeting that your child may never reach - or activities in which they may never be able to participate.  Make sure you have done #9.

9.  Build your tribe.

Finding other families you can relate to is a MUST!  While support in general may fade, others with special needs or chronic health issues are worth their weight in gold.  (And that’s saying a lot with the cost of gold these days!)  We have met some AMAZING families through this process.  It’s good for your kids to know that they are not alone, that there are others out there dealing with difficulty.  Seek out other families that you can relate to.

I have specifically sought out other families who have an older child with a feeding tube that my son can talk to/ hang out with.  (They are not easy to find.)  It has helped him (and me!) tremendously.  Whenever I hear of a new “tubie” family, I make a specific effort to reach out to them and let them know I’m here if they ever have any questions.

10.  People will call you brave, a hero, a saint – but you usually don’t feel like one.

I’m just a mom who wants the best for her kids.  Most everyone else would do the same thing in my shoes.  It’s only by God’s grace and strength that I get out of bed every day!

11.  It’s okay to be human.

Everyone has bad days.  When you have a child with special needs and/or health issues, there’s a lot more that can go wrong each day.  Sometimes, you will handle it like an Olympic champion.  Other days you may look more like that salmon swimming upstream, about to be eaten by a bear.  Thank goodness His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-24).

12.  Stay close to Jesus.

There were times when I thought I should change my life verse to Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”  Instead I have decided to live by Job 13:15, “Though he slay me, I will hope in him.”  I need Him, and I can’t make it without Him.  Sometimes I understand Him, but mostly I have no clue what He’s doing.  He’s not surprised by my thoughts and feelings.  He welcomes me to bring them all to Him.  HE is the only thing that’s gotten me through.  (See this post.)

13.  It’s all about that bass Grace!

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)  It takes grace to embrace this new normal.  It takes grace for me to respond kindly to those who unknowingly (and sometimes knowingly) say and do hurtful things.  It takes grace for me to respond kindly to my kids and husband when life has sucked everything I have left right out of me.  And it also takes grace for others to do these same things for me.

“For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”  John 1:16

For those who are part of my tribe, who have walked with me on this journey, I am forever grateful for your friendship.

Janel

He Loves Me, He Likes Me Too

“I may not always like you, but I will always love you.”  It was early in our relationship.  His intentions were good (though I still like to joke with him about it), and I’m thankful to be married to someone that is committed to me – even on my worst days.  Let’s be honest, when you start dating your future spouse at 16, he gets to see the parts of you that others who enter your path later in life don’t have to suffer through.  He was there as I finished high school, labored through college, and tried to sort out life.  I am so grateful to be married to someone who sees love as a long term commitment, not just a feeling that comes and goes.

We talk about this kind of love all the time in our churches – a love that’s committed, that loves you at your worst, that expects nothing in return.  Agape.  We hear it so much that it can be easy to fall into the trap of only viewing love as some type of contract, void of any feelings.  Seems more like a prearranged marriage, doesn’t it?  “I’m committed to you, but I may not actually like you.”

The problem is that we can view God’s love for us in the same way.  Commitment void of any feelings.  Loving without liking.

I think back to singing “Jesus Loves Me” as a kid.  There’s something about the rarely sung second verse that bothers me.

Jesus loves me when I’m good, when I do the things I should.

Jesus loves me when I’m bad, though it makes Him very sad.

At this point in my life, I can willingly admit that I’m a mess - and I will never get it all together this side of heaven.  None of us will.  So then, is Jesus walking around in a state of perpetual sadness, always disappointed with us?  Commitment without feeling, loving without liking?

No, no, no!  Let me say it again.  NO!!!

Yet, so many of us feel & live this way.

Think about Peter’s denial of Christ…

Then they seized him and led him away, bringing him into the high priest's house, and Peter was following at a distance.  And when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat down among them.  Then a servant girl, seeing him as he sat in the light and looking closely at him, said, “This man also was with him.”  But he denied it, saying, “Woman, I do not know him.”  And a little later someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.”  But Peter said, “Man, I am not.”  And after an interval of about an hour still another insisted, saying, “Certainly this man also was with him, for he too is a Galilean.”  But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.”  And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed.   And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.”  And he went out and wept bitterly.  (Luke 22:54-62)

What expression do you see on Jesus’ face when he turned to look at Peter?  For many years, I saw that “Jesus Loves Me” sadness on his face.  “Peter, I still love you, but I don’t really like you right now.  I'm sad.  You’ve disappointed Me.  How could you mess up again? I even warned you this was coming!”

Then, one day I realized this couldn’t be true.  No, the passage doesn’t give us any hints about the expression on Christ’s face.  Yet, the rest of Scripture does reveal His heart for us.

I believe the look on His face was grace.  Because that’s what God continually lavishes on all of us – grace after grace.  Unmerited favor.  “Peter, I still love you.  I still like you too.”  His Word tells us, ”There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).  So, how could His face have reflected anything but grace in that moment when He was about to pay love’s highest price?

Isaiah 62:4 says, “You shall be called My Delight Is in Her… for the Lord delights in you.”  I am in awe of the idea that God can find delight in His children.  (See 2 Samuel 22:20; Psalm 18:19, 41:11.)  What image does the word “delight” bring to your mind?  It’s certainly not detached and emotionless.  I envision great pleasure and joy.

In Psalm 103, David shares…

⁸ The Lord is merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹ He will not always chide,
    nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰ He does not deal with us according to our sins,
    nor repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
¹³ As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
¹⁴ For he knows our frame;
    he remembers that we are dust.

I especially like verse 14.  God knows what I’m made of.  He knows I’m not perfect.  He knows every sin I ever have and ever will commit.  Every time I will fail Him.  He knows me better that my high school sweetheart – who’s still here over 25 years later.  He knows me better than I even know myself!  And yet He chooses to love me.

His love is committed and faithful to His children – no matter what.  Yet it’s also full of delight.  A love that doesn’t just put up with me, but still likes me – even at my worst.  A love that knows every detail of my life, yet still extends grace and mercy.  A love so deep that it died in my place; so that when He turns to look at me, all that He sees is Christ’s blood covering all of my failures.

Though our earthly loves may find it difficult to like us some days, our heavenly Father never will.

"And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:18

Note:  There has been some debate over the use of the word "reckless" to describe God's love for us.  If you take it to mean rash or without forethought, then no, it is not a good word choice.  However, the writer explains it this way, "He is utterly unconcerned with the consequences of His actions with regards to His own safety, comfort, and well-being...His love doesn’t consider Himself first. His love isn’t selfish or self-serving. He doesn’t wonder what He’ll gain or lose by putting Himself out there...His love leaves the ninety-nine to find the one every time. To many practical adults, that’s a foolish concept."  I hope you will research and decide for yourself.  Personally, I love that it has spurred such a discussion about God's love.

Though He...

          Through the years, I’ve heard many people give testimonies of how God has worked in their lives through the struggles they have faced.  So often I have heard someone state, “I would gladly go through it all again because of all God taught me in the process.”

          I don’t know about you, but that’s not me.  My life looks more like one of those movies where someone has been taken hostage and is being interrogated.  When the captors realize that the person won’t talk, what do they do next?  They find someone the person loves and threaten to hurt THEM if the person doesn’t talk.  It’s one thing to remain strong and steadfast when it’s your own life at stake – and something completely different when it involves those you love.  In the movies, that's when even the strongest give in and crumble.

          And that’s why I can’t say I would gladly relive all that I’ve been through these last 10+ years.  Because it has involved watching those I love suffer.  No, I would not choose to relive it all.  I’ve said before that you couldn’t pay me a million dollars to do it all again.

          Am I thankful for all I’ve learned?  Yes!  Do I cherish the ways I’ve grown?  Yes!  Am I thankful for how much my faith has increased?  Absolutely!

          However, I’ve also experienced just how difficult this life can be.  As I write today, it’s the five year anniversary of the surgery to insert my son’s feeding tube.  I am also preparing to attend my grandmother’s funeral.  My mom passed away January 2016 after an 8 year battle with cancer.  Her dad followed in April of this year, and now my grandmother not even 4 months later.  Three funerals in a year and a half.  And these aren’t the only things I’ve faced.  They are just the tip of the iceberg.  There’s so much more.  The moments that rip out pieces of your heart that you never quite get back.

          And I know it’s not just me.  I found out just yesterday about another high school friend going through an excruciating trial.  This in addition to the others I know who are living with children or spouses with chronic diseases or illnesses, death of loved ones, strained relationships, and more.

          Not long ago, I was sorting through old photos.  I looked at those faces – 20-30 years younger than today.  I think of the things they have faced since – and still face today.  If I could go back, what would I say to them to prepare them for what was to come?

          I would tell them this…  Press into Jesus.  Draw close to Him and decide beforehand that you will trust Him no matter what comes your way.  Determine in your heart that, “Though he slay me, I will hope in Him” (Job 13:15).  And even more than that, whatever the “though He” may be, I will continue to trust, follow, and serve Him no matter what.  Proclaiming like the three men about to be thrown into the fiery furnace, “Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up” (Daniel 3:17-18).  And like the popular song says, I will do this “even if”…  Even if my loved one is never completely healed this side of heaven.  Even if this trial never ends.  Even if it rips my heart in two.  Even if…

          And in the midst of it all, never stop worshipping.  (Job 1:20, 2 Samuel 12:19-20)

          Why?  Because this life is not about me, my wants, my desires, or even my happiness.  Because I have died, and my life is hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3).  Because I am a living sacrifice, no longer conformed to this world (Romans 12:1-2).  Because I am taking up my cross and following Him (Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23).  Because I’m losing my life in order to save it (Luke 9:23-25).  Because His grace is sufficient, and His power shines brightest in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

          And the greatest why of all?  Because I want God to be glorified in my life – whatever form or shape this may take.  The mountains and the valleys.  The victories and the tragedies.  My life is His to do with as He pleases.  And though He _____, I will hope in Him.

          “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”  ~ James 1:12

 Janel