Through
the years, I’ve heard many people give testimonies of how God has worked in
their lives through the struggles they have faced. So often I have heard someone state, “I
would gladly go through it all again because of all God taught me in the process.”
I
don’t know about you, but that’s not me.
My life looks more like one of those movies where someone has been taken
hostage and is being interrogated. When
the captors realize that the person won’t talk, what do they do next? They find someone the person loves and
threaten to hurt THEM if the person doesn’t talk. It’s one thing to remain strong and steadfast
when it’s your own life at stake – and something completely different when it
involves those you love. In the movies, that's when even the strongest give in and crumble.
And
that’s why I can’t say I would gladly relive all that I’ve been through these
last 10+ years. Because it has involved
watching those I love suffer. No, I
would not choose to relive it all. I’ve
said before that you couldn’t pay me a million dollars to do it all again.
Am
I thankful for all I’ve learned?
Yes! Do I cherish the ways I’ve
grown? Yes! Am I thankful for how much my faith has
increased? Absolutely!
However,
I’ve also experienced just how difficult this life can be. As I write today, it’s the five year anniversary
of the surgery to insert my son’s feeding tube.
I am also preparing to attend my grandmother’s funeral. My mom passed away January 2016 after an 8
year battle with cancer. Her dad followed
in April of this year, and now my grandmother not even 4 months later. Three funerals in a year and a half. And these aren’t the only things I’ve faced. They are just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more. The moments that rip out pieces of your heart
that you never quite get back.
And
I know it’s not just me. I found out
just yesterday about another high school friend going through an excruciating
trial. This in addition to the others I know
who are living with children or spouses with chronic diseases or illnesses, death
of loved ones, strained relationships, and more.
Not
long ago, I was sorting through old photos.
I looked at those faces – 20-30 years younger than today. I think of the things they have faced since –
and still face today. If I could go
back, what would I say to them to prepare them for what was to come?
I
would tell them this… Press into
Jesus. Draw close to Him and decide
beforehand that you will trust Him no matter what comes your way. Determine in your heart that, “Though he slay
me, I will hope in Him” (Job 13:15). And
even more than that, whatever the “though He” may be, I will continue to trust,
follow, and serve Him no matter what. Proclaiming like the three men about to be thrown into the fiery furnace, “Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery
furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king,
that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set
up” (Daniel 3:17-18). And like
the popular song says, I will do this “even if”… Even if my loved one is never completely
healed this side of heaven. Even if this
trial never ends. Even if it rips my
heart in two. Even if…
And in the midst of it all, never stop worshipping. (Job 1:20, 2 Samuel 12:19-20)
Why? Because this life is not about me, my wants,
my desires, or even my happiness.
Because I have died, and my life is hidden with Christ in God
(Colossians 3:3). Because I am a living
sacrifice, no longer conformed to this world (Romans 12:1-2). Because I am taking up my cross and following
Him (Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23).
Because I’m losing my life in order to save it (Luke 9:23-25). Because His grace is sufficient, and His power
shines brightest in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
And the greatest why of all? Because I want God to be glorified in my life
– whatever form or shape this may take.
The mountains and the valleys. The
victories and the tragedies. My life is
His to do with as He pleases. And though
He _____, I will hope in Him.
“Blessed is the man who remains
steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown
of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” ~ James 1:12
Janel
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