The Best Laid Plans

 

Easter weekend marked four weeks since Criss’ passing.  He was 46 years old and had no idea when he went to bed Friday night that it was his last day here on earth.  The week before, the kids were away on a retreat with their high school.  Criss and I planned a little “staycation” while they were gone.  We both took a couple days off work.  We grilled steaks one night and went out to dinner another.  Instead of spending money staying somewhere, we bought a used, inflatable hot tub from a friend and a new fire pit.  The last night before the kids returned, we roasted hot dogs and made s’mores.  Criss had dreamed for years of getting a hot tub, and we used it at least every other day once we had it.  Criss, Autumn, and I spent time there together the night before he passed.

As we sat watching TV that Friday night, Criss was making plans for the weekend ahead.  (He was trying to convince me that we all needed to visit Buc-ees.)  He was planning hiking trips with friends.  We had tickets to attend a concert with friends in April.  We were working on a vacation to the Grand Canyon this summer, and we were trying to save to go to Israel with our church next year.  Our kids are only a few years away from finishing high school, and we were looking for ways to make the most of the little time we had left with them.

2020 was a crazy year.  It was easy to just try to survive until 2021 finally arrived.  However, there was a thought that kept coming to my mind – what if this is the best it gets, and we’ve wasted it waiting for something better to arrive?  I tried to be intentional about using the extra time we had as a family and soaking up every minute I could with them.  I am so thankful I did.  The past year is full of hard times mixed with beautiful memories. 

Our last picture together.  Taken at The Birmingham Zoo's Glow Wild.

We are not guaranteed tomorrow.  We hear that often, but do we really take it to heart?  I could have peace & hope in the midst of great sadness this Easter because I know that the moment Criss left this earth, he was in the presence of Jesus - and one day, I will see him again.

What weighs heaviest on my mind as I write tonight is all of you.  If you went to bed tonight, never again to step foot on this earth, do you know where you would spend eternity?  I know where I’ll be, and I know where some of you will be.  However, there are many of you that I have no idea.  The world wants to tell us that there are many ways to heaven, but that just isn’t true.  There is just one way – and that is by believing in Jesus.  He is THE way.  Being good doesn’t get you to heaven – neither do all of these other things that some of you are trusting in.

As you sit here today, making plans for your future, make sure you have made the most important plans of all – where you will spend eternity.  

I would love to talk with you about it.

Janel

I'm Listening

I have watched, read, cried, and prayed.  My heart is heavy, and writing always helps me to process my thoughts.

To all of my black friends, I want you to know I’m listening.

I am a white, middle class woman, born in the 70’s.  I learned about the civil rights movement and knew about racism.  I was taught to treat all people with kindness.  When I heard people on the news talk about modern day racism, I really did not know what they were referring to.  I live in Alabama.  I had been to the museums.  I had heard the stories.  Those things were not happening today – as far as I could see.

Outside of Scripture, truth is an elusive thing these days.  Statistics are meaningless.  Five people can take the same set of numbers and interpret them 15 different ways.  The news is always slanted in one direction or another.  Stories and experiences of strangers can be twisted and used to manipulate emotions.  What helped me to “see” was the stories of black friends that I know personally.  A few years ago at church, we had a group of ladies that met for several weeks to discuss race and diversity.  We had the freedom to ask our black sisters in Christ questions that we had never felt the freedom to ask before, and those ladies were free to share experiences that they had learned from a young age should be kept only to themselves.  Hearing their stories helped me to realize what racism looks like today – and see that it does indeed still exist.

This is why I feel so compelled to write today.  I was living in a bubble of ignorance that needed to be challenged.  As a white, Christian female, I must implore those in my circle of influence to ask themselves – “Am I still living in that bubble?”  I am here to ask you to listen along with me.

James 1:19 tell us, “Dear brothers, don’t ever forget that it is best to listen much, speak little, and not become angry” (TLB).  For my white friends, this is a time for us to talk less and listen more.  To my black friends, I sincerely want to know more about your experiences.  I will never fully understand, but I want to try.  While I have not experienced your exact pain, I know what it’s like to feel unseen and unheard, and that part of me can connect with that part of you.

For several months, I have seen 2 Chronicles 7:13-15 over and over.  “If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust swarms to eat up all of your crops, or if I send an epidemic among you, then if my people will humble themselves and pray, and search for me, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear them from heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land.  I will listen, wide awake, to every prayer made in this place” (TLB).

What disturbs me greatly is how much we like to quote these verses – but how little we’re actually applying them.  Yes, it’s ironic how much these verses line up with what’s happening today.  So why are we just quoting them over and over – and not humbling ourselves, praying, searching, and turning?

We talk a lot about praying, but are we actually praying?

Jesus told us that that greatest commandments were to love God and love others (Matt. 22:36-40).  Could what is going on now be what the end of those verses is referring to?  Is it possible that our lack of love for others is what we need to be repenting of?  Is this is the area in which we need to humble ourselves and pray and turn?

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  John 13:35

It’s time we start listening to each other - about racism and so many other issues.  My limited perspective may not always be accurate.  I have to be humble and willing to change.  This is not the time to disengage from society.  This is the time to press in, listen more, and act.

I believe people’s greatest desire is to be fully known and still be fully loved in spite of it.  How can we really love people that we haven’t taken the time to know?  We can’t be afraid to listen to various points of view.  Be willing to grow and change.  Be willing to own our part.  And in the words of Frozen 2 (because I'm a mom and I work with children for a living), “Just do the next right thing.”  Because if we’re humbling ourselves, and we’re praying, and we’re seeking Him – then He will guide us to that next right thing.

What does this look like?  For me, I am weeping with those who are weeping.  I’m praying that God will help me to love more and judge less.  That He will help me to be humble enough to admit where I need to change.  I am praying for and checking on my black friends.  I am broadening my perspective by reading more from black authors and black perspectives – even those I may disagree with.  And I am teaching my children not only to see the value in others and to be kind to everyone – but I am also teaching them what racism looks like today (and not just historically).  I am praying for the wisdom to know when and how to speak up for those whose voices have been silenced.

And I am listening.

Janel

“After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands.”  Revelation 7:9

Who Broke the White Out? (Part 1)

So many are hurting today, and for so many different reasons.  The quote by John Piper has been on my mind this morning.

Occasionally, weep deeply

Over the life you hoped would be.

Grieve the losses.
Then, wash your face.
Trust God.
And embrace the life you have.

Sometimes life just stinks.  Nearly everyone is facing some type of loss or fear right now.  And you know what?  It’s okay to grieve.  We are real people with real feelings and real emotions.  God made us that way!  Any time we are overwhelmed by sadness, grief, or any other emotion, we don’t have to deny it, stuff it down, or rationalize it away.  It doesn’t matter if others think our grief is greater or less than theirs.  It is our grief, and we have to take some time to acknowledge it.  It is only by acknowledging the pain in our own lives and allowing God to walk us through it that we can then be used by God to minister to others who are walking through loss. 

I Corinthians 1:3-4 tell us, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  I began to understand this verse after our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage years ago.  I learned a great deal during that time, but probably one of the greatest things I learned was how to sit with other people in their pain.  It gave me a greater understanding of loss, and how we should and should not respond to others during their time of loss.

My advice in this area would be this…  Don’t minimalize other people’s pain.  Don’t give them trite sayings.  Don’t tell them how they could have it worse.  Don’t put them on a guilt trip because you think your pain is greater than theirs.  Just let them grieve.  Their grief is real, and they need to be allowed to process it.

Now I still mess up all the time and say the wrong thing to people, but here’s the thing I try to say:  “How are you feeling about _____ today?” or “How are you doing with all of this today?”  Don’t project your feelings onto them or assume that they should have made it to a certain point in their grieving process.  It doesn’t matter than you’ve gone through _____.  Even if it seems to you to be the exact same loss, there are likely many aspects that are very different.

So, take some time today to feel all that you need to feel.  (And you’ll likely cycle through this several times, as you face reminders of things you’ve lost.) 

And the title?  I’ll get to that in Part 2.  J  But for now, some of you need to sit alone with your feelings for a little while.  And all that teaching from home we’re doing now?  It might just be that the greatest thing you could teach your kids while they are at home with you these next few months is how to process grief and emotions.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”  (Psalm 56:8)

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”  (Psalm 62:8)

Janel

I See You

To the vulnerable, at risk,

And those we label as elderly.

To those who are still going to work each day

And those who have been sent home.

I see you.

To those trying to work from home

With kids screaming and fighting in the background.

And to the single parents trying to find childcare

So you can still make it to your place of employment.

I see you.

To the special needs families

And those hoping they will have access to needed medical interventions.

To the parent of a non-verbal child

Who was just beginning to make progress at school.

I see you.

To the children who have lost their source of 

Love, food, and safety.

And to the ones who are spending quality time with their families

For the first time ever.

I see you.

To those in nursing homes no longer allowed visitors – 

If they were fortunate enough to have them in the first place.

To the emotionally vulnerable,

Who have lost access to their counselors.

I see you.

To the Seniors missing their last moments with friends

And to those having to alter wedding plans.

To those who are expecting

And those in the process of adoption.

I see you.

To the leaders we look to for guidance

And to the pastors praying for wisdom.

To the teachers making sudden plans

And the parents trying to follow them.

I see you.

To the one who is alone with his own thoughts

For the first time in years.

And to the one who was hanging by a thread

Before it all began.

I see you.

To those who have been seasoned by years of pain

And  those for whom it is foreign.

To all of these

And everyone in between.

I see you.

But more important than that

God sees you (Gen. 16:13).

He Himself is our peace (Eph. 2:14),

And He can be trusted (Prov. 3:5-6).

“As we look not to the things that are seen 

but to the things that are unseen. 

For the things that are seen are transient, 

but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:18)

Janel

He Loves Me, He Likes Me Too

“I may not always like you, but I will always love you.”  It was early in our relationship.  His intentions were good (though I still like to joke with him about it), and I’m thankful to be married to someone that is committed to me – even on my worst days.  Let’s be honest, when you start dating your future spouse at 16, he gets to see the parts of you that others who enter your path later in life don’t have to suffer through.  He was there as I finished high school, labored through college, and tried to sort out life.  I am so grateful to be married to someone who sees love as a long term commitment, not just a feeling that comes and goes.

We talk about this kind of love all the time in our churches – a love that’s committed, that loves you at your worst, that expects nothing in return.  Agape.  We hear it so much that it can be easy to fall into the trap of only viewing love as some type of contract, void of any feelings.  Seems more like a prearranged marriage, doesn’t it?  “I’m committed to you, but I may not actually like you.”

The problem is that we can view God’s love for us in the same way.  Commitment void of any feelings.  Loving without liking.

I think back to singing “Jesus Loves Me” as a kid.  There’s something about the rarely sung second verse that bothers me.

Jesus loves me when I’m good, when I do the things I should.

Jesus loves me when I’m bad, though it makes Him very sad.

At this point in my life, I can willingly admit that I’m a mess - and I will never get it all together this side of heaven.  None of us will.  So then, is Jesus walking around in a state of perpetual sadness, always disappointed with us?  Commitment without feeling, loving without liking?

No, no, no!  Let me say it again.  NO!!!

Yet, so many of us feel & live this way.

Think about Peter’s denial of Christ…

Then they seized him and led him away, bringing him into the high priest's house, and Peter was following at a distance.  And when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat down among them.  Then a servant girl, seeing him as he sat in the light and looking closely at him, said, “This man also was with him.”  But he denied it, saying, “Woman, I do not know him.”  And a little later someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.”  But Peter said, “Man, I am not.”  And after an interval of about an hour still another insisted, saying, “Certainly this man also was with him, for he too is a Galilean.”  But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.”  And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed.   And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.”  And he went out and wept bitterly.  (Luke 22:54-62)

What expression do you see on Jesus’ face when he turned to look at Peter?  For many years, I saw that “Jesus Loves Me” sadness on his face.  “Peter, I still love you, but I don’t really like you right now.  I'm sad.  You’ve disappointed Me.  How could you mess up again? I even warned you this was coming!”

Then, one day I realized this couldn’t be true.  No, the passage doesn’t give us any hints about the expression on Christ’s face.  Yet, the rest of Scripture does reveal His heart for us.

I believe the look on His face was grace.  Because that’s what God continually lavishes on all of us – grace after grace.  Unmerited favor.  “Peter, I still love you.  I still like you too.”  His Word tells us, ”There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).  So, how could His face have reflected anything but grace in that moment when He was about to pay love’s highest price?

Isaiah 62:4 says, “You shall be called My Delight Is in Her… for the Lord delights in you.”  I am in awe of the idea that God can find delight in His children.  (See 2 Samuel 22:20; Psalm 18:19, 41:11.)  What image does the word “delight” bring to your mind?  It’s certainly not detached and emotionless.  I envision great pleasure and joy.

In Psalm 103, David shares…

⁸ The Lord is merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹ He will not always chide,
    nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰ He does not deal with us according to our sins,
    nor repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
¹³ As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
¹⁴ For he knows our frame;
    he remembers that we are dust.

I especially like verse 14.  God knows what I’m made of.  He knows I’m not perfect.  He knows every sin I ever have and ever will commit.  Every time I will fail Him.  He knows me better that my high school sweetheart – who’s still here over 25 years later.  He knows me better than I even know myself!  And yet He chooses to love me.

His love is committed and faithful to His children – no matter what.  Yet it’s also full of delight.  A love that doesn’t just put up with me, but still likes me – even at my worst.  A love that knows every detail of my life, yet still extends grace and mercy.  A love so deep that it died in my place; so that when He turns to look at me, all that He sees is Christ’s blood covering all of my failures.

Though our earthly loves may find it difficult to like us some days, our heavenly Father never will.

"And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:18

Note:  There has been some debate over the use of the word "reckless" to describe God's love for us.  If you take it to mean rash or without forethought, then no, it is not a good word choice.  However, the writer explains it this way, "He is utterly unconcerned with the consequences of His actions with regards to His own safety, comfort, and well-being...His love doesn’t consider Himself first. His love isn’t selfish or self-serving. He doesn’t wonder what He’ll gain or lose by putting Himself out there...His love leaves the ninety-nine to find the one every time. To many practical adults, that’s a foolish concept."  I hope you will research and decide for yourself.  Personally, I love that it has spurred such a discussion about God's love.

Though He...

          Through the years, I’ve heard many people give testimonies of how God has worked in their lives through the struggles they have faced.  So often I have heard someone state, “I would gladly go through it all again because of all God taught me in the process.”

          I don’t know about you, but that’s not me.  My life looks more like one of those movies where someone has been taken hostage and is being interrogated.  When the captors realize that the person won’t talk, what do they do next?  They find someone the person loves and threaten to hurt THEM if the person doesn’t talk.  It’s one thing to remain strong and steadfast when it’s your own life at stake – and something completely different when it involves those you love.  In the movies, that's when even the strongest give in and crumble.

          And that’s why I can’t say I would gladly relive all that I’ve been through these last 10+ years.  Because it has involved watching those I love suffer.  No, I would not choose to relive it all.  I’ve said before that you couldn’t pay me a million dollars to do it all again.

          Am I thankful for all I’ve learned?  Yes!  Do I cherish the ways I’ve grown?  Yes!  Am I thankful for how much my faith has increased?  Absolutely!

          However, I’ve also experienced just how difficult this life can be.  As I write today, it’s the five year anniversary of the surgery to insert my son’s feeding tube.  I am also preparing to attend my grandmother’s funeral.  My mom passed away January 2016 after an 8 year battle with cancer.  Her dad followed in April of this year, and now my grandmother not even 4 months later.  Three funerals in a year and a half.  And these aren’t the only things I’ve faced.  They are just the tip of the iceberg.  There’s so much more.  The moments that rip out pieces of your heart that you never quite get back.

          And I know it’s not just me.  I found out just yesterday about another high school friend going through an excruciating trial.  This in addition to the others I know who are living with children or spouses with chronic diseases or illnesses, death of loved ones, strained relationships, and more.

          Not long ago, I was sorting through old photos.  I looked at those faces – 20-30 years younger than today.  I think of the things they have faced since – and still face today.  If I could go back, what would I say to them to prepare them for what was to come?

          I would tell them this…  Press into Jesus.  Draw close to Him and decide beforehand that you will trust Him no matter what comes your way.  Determine in your heart that, “Though he slay me, I will hope in Him” (Job 13:15).  And even more than that, whatever the “though He” may be, I will continue to trust, follow, and serve Him no matter what.  Proclaiming like the three men about to be thrown into the fiery furnace, “Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up” (Daniel 3:17-18).  And like the popular song says, I will do this “even if”…  Even if my loved one is never completely healed this side of heaven.  Even if this trial never ends.  Even if it rips my heart in two.  Even if…

          And in the midst of it all, never stop worshipping.  (Job 1:20, 2 Samuel 12:19-20)

          Why?  Because this life is not about me, my wants, my desires, or even my happiness.  Because I have died, and my life is hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3).  Because I am a living sacrifice, no longer conformed to this world (Romans 12:1-2).  Because I am taking up my cross and following Him (Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23).  Because I’m losing my life in order to save it (Luke 9:23-25).  Because His grace is sufficient, and His power shines brightest in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

          And the greatest why of all?  Because I want God to be glorified in my life – whatever form or shape this may take.  The mountains and the valleys.  The victories and the tragedies.  My life is His to do with as He pleases.  And though He _____, I will hope in Him.

          “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”  ~ James 1:12

 Janel

How Much Does Heaven Weigh?

If you could place your life's trials on a scale, how much do you think they would weigh?  10-20 pounds, 100 pounds, a ton, even more?  This life can so easily weight us down.  Some seasons in life, the burden can be so very great.

I love to think about heaven.  Just the thought of an eternity without pain or sorrow is almost beyond comprehension.  I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin expresses this so well.  But heaven is not just about the absence of evil, it is also about the presence of God - the glory yet to be revealed.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  (NIV)

I've heard this verse many times before, but something new jumped out at me one day.  Did you notice how it referred to the weight of eternal glory?  Not only do we get to look forward to the absence of pain & sorrow - but however great the weight of our earthly sorrows, we will encounter a glory that weighs more than our troubles ever did.  So much so that our earthly woes will appear light by comparison.  And this is not temporary - but for all of eternity.  What an amazing thought!  Let that sink into your heart for a minute.

As I look back at the trials I've experienced - miscarriage, raising two kids with ongoing health issues (one of whom was miserable the first 8 years of his life), a mom who passed away after an 8 year battle with cancer, sitting in hospital rooms with family members who might not make it, as well as numerous other challenges.  I think of the days when I was so weighed down by it all.  The times when all I could do was sit and cry until I just couldn't cry any more.  It is all a reminder that the weight of the trials I experience is in this life cannot compare to the far surpassing weight of heaven that is yet to come.  O Glorious Day!

Janel